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June
29, 1944 - Gary Busey is born. The world
rejoices.
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1969
- Marries first wife, Judy Helkenberg.
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Late
1970 - Conceives toothy doppelganger son.
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1978
- Stars in The Buddy Holly Story.
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June
9, 1988 - Looks in the mirror and realizes that his
son looks exactly like him. Continues shaving.
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December
1988 - Nearly dies in a motorcycle crash.
Afterwards changes his stance on helmet laws.
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Soon
Thereafter - The Grim Reaper gives him a pep talk
while Gary recovers from the accident in a hospital
bed. Read about it here.
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May
1995 - Arrested for cocaine possession after being
hospitalized for an overdose of cocaine and GHB.
Nothing's funnier than a 51 year-old man overdosing on
drugs. Laugh it up, you swine.
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1996
- Turns his life away from drugs and dedicates it to
Jesus, finding the opiate for the masses less irritating
to his sinuses.
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January
1997 - Marries Tiani Warden. Don't worry, he
divorced the first wife first. Like you really care. Let's move on.
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May
1997 - Had a gnarly tumor removed from his face.
He didn't even flinch.
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Sometime
Thereafter - Gary becomes an ordained minister for the
Promise Keepers, joining the ranks of creepy preachers
worldwide.
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August
20, 1997 - Gary is accused of pushing a stewardess who
bumped him on a flight to Las Vegas. Upon the
flight's landing, he was questioned by police, but no
charges were filed. Don't fuck with Gary.
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June
9, 1998 - Files for divorce. Later withdrawn.
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January
25, 1999 - Arrested after a fight with his wife.
Released on bail.
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June
28, 2000 - His wife files for divorce. It seems
to have been finalized sometime in 2001, though Gary still
talked about her very fondly as of his Howard Stern
appearance in the summer of 2001.
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March
27, 2001 - Nathan Lane, appearing on the Late Show,
says that he was nominated for the Academy Award of
"Most Likely to Star in a Film that Goes Straight to
Video," but lost to Gary Busey. Watching from
home, Gary sheds a single tear.
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Summer
of 2001 - Gary Busey appeared on the Howard Stern show
on E! Oh, what a hoot! At one point, Gary went
over to Howard's booth, put him in a headlock of sorts and
"pretended" to threaten to burn Howard with his
(Gary's) cigar. Oh, and during this encounter Gary
said something about loving the sound of Jewish
screams. He was kidding, of course, but Howard
seemed a bit rattled for some strange reason. At the
end of the session, Gary repeatedly bear-hugged Robin
until she ran out of the studio laughing very
nervously. At this point, Gary began affably
wrestling Howard to the ground. Howard laughed it
off at first, but he was obviously uncomfortable, and I
recall that by the end he issued more than one stern
"seriously, stop." All in all, this show
was a classic moment in Busey history.
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Dec. 2,
2001 - It seems Gary's work with
the Promise Keepers has not had its desired effect, as
he is again arrested for spousal abuse after ex-wife Tiani
Warden calls authorities, complaining he left her
bruised. Gary has been released on $50,000
bail. Don't ask me why they're calling it spousal abuse even
though they're divorced, but it's nevertheless very
distressing behavior.
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Jan.
4, 2002 - Gary appears on Entertainment Tonight to
defend himself from spousal abuse charges, claiming that Tiani
had been drinking 'round the clock and fabricated
the charges.
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Sept.
15, 2002 - Gary was on
"The Man Show," presiding over an impromptu boxing match between a female
boxer and a male hairstylist. Upon her victory,
Gary pulled the female boxer to him and kissed her cheek
repeatedly. I worry that he's lonely.
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2002
- The groundbreaking video game "Grand Theft Auto: Vice
City" is released, boasting celebrity voiceovers from
the likes of Ray
Liotta as well as our very own Gary Busey as Phil
Cassidy, a confederate-flag-wearing mullet-head who
spends his days distilling "boomshine" and
dealing arms.
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Jan.
11, 2003 - Jeff Richard did an impression of Gary
Busey for a "Celebrity Dating" sketch on Saturday
Night Live. I have the impression that the
writers of that sketch did some Busey research on this
site (if so, please hire
me). In any case, Richards did an excellent job,
and I hope Gary becomes a reoccurring character.
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Jan.
28, 2003 - According to this
page at the National Inquirer, Gary Busey was spotted
"preening" in front of a mirror at Nordstrom's,
wearing a black bra over his shirt. He told shoppers
that he
was rehearsing for a Comedy Central gig in which he dresses
up as a transvestite. For more about said gig, read
below.
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Feb.
2003 - Gary Busey is given a 13 episode deal for a reality
series on
Comedy Central! Go here
for more information on "I'm With Busey."
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March
14, 2003 - Scientific
Study Concludes that Gary Busey is not Nick Nolte,
according to thewiredpress.com
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May
2003 - Gary's new movie "Ghost Rock" should
be coming out fairly soon. The distributor is
supposedly Lion's Gate Films, but I worry it may go
straight to video or TV. The poster (right) calls it
"an epic martial-arts Western," which sounds
encouraging. Click
here for a synopsis.
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July
2003 - The July issue of Esquire includes a very short section quoting Gary Busey on manhood. Let me just say that it includes the quote "My teeth have been identified as a piano farm."
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June
2003 - Gary started taking pilot lessons in Santa
Monica. What could possibly go wrong?
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August
2003 - The August issue of Maxim includes a short interview with Gary talking about, among other things, one time when he snorted spilled cocaine off a dog. The
New York Post has published a short excerpt, and
Maxim Online lets you see the beginning of the interview.
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August
2003 - A friend sent me this
link to the official page for Gary's movie
"Quigley" in which Gary
plays "a rich and utterly despicable practical joker,"
who gets turned into a dog when he dies (because he hates
dogs). Now this is Gary Busey comedy
at its best--awkward, loveable, more silly than sad.
I highly recommend you check it out, especially the
preview, which is frankly genius.
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August
22, 2004 - Gary appears in episode 6 of HBO's The
Entourage, entitled "Busey and the Beast."
One of the entourage (Turtle) knocks over a piece of
Busey's art, and Busey scares the jeepers out of him.
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Sept.
7, 2004 - Gary's landlord files a lawsuit to evict him
because Gary has refused to pay his rent for about three
months. Yes, Gary rents rather than owns his Malibu
home. Sad, sad. See the article here,
and notice that it says the landlord has tried to evict
Gary four times in the past.
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Sept
23, 2004 - Gary is arrested for showing up late to a
spousal support court hearing. His lawyer bails him out
two-and-a-half hours later. Apparently, Gary owes one of
his ex-wives over $1.5 million in alimony. See the article
here
until it goes down.
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March
6, 2005 - Gary lends his voice to an episode of the
Simpsons entitled "One a Clear Day I Can't See My
Sister". Mr. Busey narrates an informational video on
restraining orders and laughs manically.
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June
6, 2005 - Gary once again plays himself as an
obnoxious crazy person in the second season opener of
HBO's The Entourage.
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June
7, 2005 - Gary's movie "Quigley" becomes
available to rent or buy today. Gary plays "a rich and utterly despicable practical joker,"
who gets turned into a dog when he dies (because he hates
dogs). I highly recommend you check
out the official
"Quigley" website, especially the
preview, which is frankly genius.
