to Gary Busey
I can be an example and a leader"
Busey (E! True Hollywood Story website)
introduction can do justice to Gary Busey. The man is
larger than life, cosmic in scale. Gary
Busey goes to 11. Welcome to Gary Busey. We are
here to immerse ourselves in Busey, to learn Gary's life-story
as if it were our own, to familiarize ourselves with his rap
sheet so that we may commit copy-cat crimes, to read Gary's
own words aloud to our sons and daughters, to print out
pictures of Gary and tape them to our sons' and daughters'
faces, to force our children to act out scenes from Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms,
and to justify to ourselves why we yelled at little Lisa when
her first words were "Baba" and "Mama"
instead of "Gary Busey." Welcome to the journey
of a lifetime. I hope you're ready for full-force,
in-your-face Gary Busey, 24-7. Good luck. You'll
If you don't
know who I'm talking about when I'm talking about Gary Busey, get
out right now. I don't want people like you on my site.
Aww, come back,
guys. I was just kidding. To make you newcomers feel more
at home in Busey World, I'll start out with a general description
of Gary Busey. As the author of Busey World, I take it as my
personal responsibility to call Gary Busey forth from the primordial
ooze of our collective unconscious and set him on the pedestal of public
idolatry. It is, I believe, Gary Busey's destiny to emerge from
the morass of Danny Glovers and Karen Duffys of our world to
join the elite ranks of the Crispin Glovers and Patrick Duffys. [I'm
happy to report that two years after the genesis of Busey
World, someone in Hollywood caught on. The wonderful
reality show "I'm With Busey" has done much more to
insert Gary back into the national consciousness than Busey
World could ever hope, thanks to little advantages like a
'marketing budget' and 'Gary's endorsement.']
here's how you recognize Gary Busey. The first thing you
notice about him is his teeth --they're big. Then you
notice his unsettling intensity. He has an insane glint in his eyes,
yet he is strangely likable. According to Gary,
doctors have told him that he "was born with the energy
of 10 men who have normal jobs." Whether from
incessant cocaine use or a congenital condition, Gary Busey is
just a little off.
On a more personal note:
after spending way too much time studying Gary for this
website, I have come to sincerely fear for the man's
sanity. I earnestly hope that he does not suffer a
mental breakdown or a relapse of cancer, for both those things
would render this site unfunny and in poor taste.